I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
