I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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