Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
