the condom got lost in my hair
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
