before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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