right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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