apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
