Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

i wish starbucks made bloody marys

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(914): View more from New York

Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life

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(901): View more from Tennessee

He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here

(601): View more from Mississippi

on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid

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(406): View more from Montana

Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.

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(716): View more from New York

Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house

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