This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
