Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
