My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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