I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
