OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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