i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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