Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
