This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
