Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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