so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
