Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
