Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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