a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
