Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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