ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
