well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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