dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
