bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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