i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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