You work out of a Hotel?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
