Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
