At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
