M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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