I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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