Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
