i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
