I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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