so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
