Jerry, you need to find god
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
