If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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