I heard we made out
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
