How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
