A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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