i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
