Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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