dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
