I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
