Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
