This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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