just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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