We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
