Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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