your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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